Old AGE

An older couple was lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep, but the wife felt romantic and wanted to talk.

she said, "You use to hold my hand when we were courting."

Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second, and tried to getback to sleep. A few moments later she said, "Then you used to kiss me."Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek andsettled down to sleep.

Thirty seconds later she said. "Then you use to bite my neck. "Angrily,he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed."Where are you going ?" she asked.

"To get my teeth!"

Save Planet

Hearing Problem

A man feared his wife wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid.

Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem. The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.
Here's what you do," said the Doctor, "stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response.

"That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den.

He says to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens." then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?" No response.

So the husband moves to closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, "Honey, what's for dinner?"

Still no response. Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, Honey, what's for dinner?"
Again he gets no response so; He walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. "Honey, what's for dinner?" Again there is no response. So he walks right up behind her.
"Honey, what's for dinner?"
"James, for the FIFTH time I've said, CHICKEN!"

Two Angels !

Two traveling angels stopped to spend the night in the home of a wealthy family.
The family was rude and refused to let the angels stay in the mansion's guest room. Instead the angels were given a space in the cold basement.

As they made their bed on the hard floor, the older angel saw a hole in the wall and repaired it. When the younger angel asked why, the older angel replied... "Things aren't always what they seem".
The next night the pair came to rest at the house of a very poor, but very hospitable farmer and his wife.
After sharing what little food they had the couple let the angels sleep in their bed where they could have a good night's rest. When the sun came up the next morning the angels found the farmer and his wife in tears. Their only cow, whose milk had been their sole income, lay dead in the field.

The younger angel was infuriated and asked the older angel "how could you have let this happen!? The first man had everything, yet you helped him," she accused. "The second family had little but was willing to share everything, and you let their cow die."

"Things aren't always what they seem," the older angel replied. "When we stayed in the basement of the mansion, I noticed there was gold stored in that hole in the wall. Since the owner was so obsessed with greed and unwilling to share his good fortune, I sealed the wall so he wouldn't find it. Then last night as we slept in the farmers bed,the angel of death came for his wife. I gave her the cow instead. Things aren't always what they seem."

Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0

Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0

Dear Tech Support team: Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0.

I soon noticed that the new program, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activities.

Applications such as BachelorNights 10.3, Cricket 5.0, BeerWithBuddies 7.5, and Outings 3.6 no longer runs, crashing the system whenever selected. I seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications.

I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 5.0 , but the 'uninstall' doesn't work on Wife 1.0.Please help!

Thanks,"A Troubled User"

Teacher & Student

Teacher : We should prevent mosquito from breeding.

Student : It is impossible.

Teacher : Why ?

Student : Because we cannot make such a small condom.

Less hair

Little Kid was eating breakfast one morning and got to thinking about things.
'Mommy, mommy, why has daddy got so few hairs on his head?' he asked his mother.

'He thinks a lot,' replied his mother, pleased with herself for coming up with a good answer to her husband's baldness.

Or she was until little Kid thought for a second and asked, 'So why do you have so much hair.

Evolution of Human

A little Kid asked his Mom, 'How did the human race appear?'Ba answered, GOD made all of us'

Two days later this Kid asked his Dad the same question. Dad answered, 'Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.

The confused Kid returned to his mother and said, Mom, how is itpossible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?

'The clever Mom answered, 'Well, Son, it's very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your Dad told you about his.'